A few weeks ago I added another side job to my list of side jobs. I am now a background actress aka a paid extra, and worked on my fourth production today. I didn’t get much sleep last night (usual insomnia stuff), and was on set for 8 hours 😦 When I got home I had to do some work for this video metadata writing project I signed up for (another side job), and that took me nearly three hours. So now it’s after midnight, and I’ve finally got a break. I go into the living room, and my fake husband goes into his bedroom. Here’s where things get hairy.
Part of me wants to take a picture of this foolishness. The following is a true account of the mess he left behind (yes, I am actually making a bulleted list):
- On the coffee table: His underwear, socks, two drinking glasses, two empty cans of beer, and balled-up paper towel pieces
- On the couch: His bath towel
- On the butcher’s block: His shirt, empty bottle of seltzer water, balled-up receipts, balled-up paper towel pieces
- On the cutting board: Empty can of Red Bull, a dirty butcher knife (the sink is RIGHT THERE!!), more balled-up paper towel pieces
- On the floor: Random scraps of paper (?)
- In the hallway: Two pairs of shoes. Strewn.
I’m not done, but the rest of the mess I am used to. Our place is way too small for that much crap! What the heck? Guess this is what you do when you know someone is going to pick up after you. So I did what a fake housewife does: Nagged a bit about the mess (his response: “That doesn’t sound like me.” What??), and then cleaned it up. Imagine if I actually had romantic feelings for the guy! 🙂
I have a male roommate who works a 9 to 5. I am self-employed/sometimes part-time employed, meaning I am home a lot and have a flexible schedule. Therefore I have taken on the domestic responsibilities: grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, picking up the dry cleaning, etc. I used to think housewives were just women who lacked career ambition. Then I envied them for not having to sit in a cubicle all day. Now, I recognize that the housewife part is easy; it’s their kids that make life hard. Being a housewife is cool when there are no kids involved. I make sure my fake housewife duties are done or nearly done by the time he gets home from work, so it doesn’t seem like I’ve done nothing but watch LMN and surf the web all day (ha). I give him space to watch his favorite TV shows, have friends over, or just spend time alone. Not a bad setup we have.
But it feels like a bad marriage sometimes. There is no sex, love, or affection. We also argue like a couple, get on each other’s nerves, and sometimes ignore each other for days. And like a bad marriage, you consider getting out. Sometimes I feel like I’m walking on pins and needles around him, not wanting to rock the boat and get thrown out on the streets. Money = Power, and the Leo in me is having a hard time accepting my submissive position. BUT, he believes in my entertainment dreams, and gives me the freedom to pursue them. After I hit the Mega Millions jackpot, I will frolic about, doing as I please, without the burden of a 9-5 or the subjugation of fake housewifery. Please leave a comment with the winning numbers 🙂
A guy I’m seeing told me I’d make a great wife. That felt good. Being a fake housewife has increased my patience, decreased my fear of commitment, gotten me more used to the gross and annoying things that men do (not cleaning up after themselves, farting, being inconsiderate, etc.), and yes, I feel more a little more prepared for an eventual (I hope) walk down the aisle. Not sure how much longer this arrangement will last, but I’m happy to have the experience. Shout out to my roomie 🙂